On Marriage

My friends are starting to get married.

Making babies, starting families, getting into serious relationships. And what am I doing? Getting concussions in Vegas? (I admit, the Vegas trip was pretty epic though. I have the bruises to prove it.)

But all this baby-making has got me thinking: am I on track to getting that domestic dream when I'll be ready for it? Quick and dirty timeline:

• 25-29: Dating the man of my dreams
• 29: Getting MARRIED
• 30: Trying to get pregnant
• 31: Popping out Baby #1
• 33: Popping out Baby #2

Which means I should be finding him NOW. But wait! What about my other hopes and dreams?

Hope and Dream #1: Dating a surfer

Not sure what it is about them, but they're so chill. Also could be tied to the fact that I am always running along Great Highway and see them in their wetsuits.Yum.

Hope and Dream #2: Dating a black dude

I've never dated a black dude before, so I want to experience this as well.

Oh yeah. And I also have some hopes and dreams about running, career, moving, travelling, finding myself, etc. Small things.

I never thought I would be worried about marriage and finding someone at such a young age (25 years young!), but BAM, here I am. Seriously, it's just something about turning 25 that makes everyone crazy and start to get all serious with their relationships and people start thinking that the time is a'tickin. Damn.

Slow down, biological clock. Wait for meeeeee!

Actual Confessions

10 days after the breakup, and I'm still quite the mess. It's a roller coaster ride. One minute, I think—no, I realize—that this is the best path, this is the right choice. We're so different; it would never work out. But the next minute, I'm nostalgic and recounting all the jokes we had, all the meals we cooked, and worst of all (or best? no, definitely worst), I remember the feelings. All the emotions and caring and affection and love that was brewing in my stiff, cold heart.

Every time I tell a friend my story, they all say the same thing: what a douche! And that makes me feel slightly better. I'm not a total lunatic. My feelings and my wants and needs are validated, justified. I'm being reasonable!

But it doesn't add up. If he's the douche, why am I still sad to be apart from him? If he's the idiot who's making a huge mistake, why do I feel like I'm missing out?

I always say this, and I'll repeat it to myself: There is no rush.

Why jump into a relationship unless you're 100% sure? Why in such a haste to put labels, start relationships, end relationships, to make things "official"? What is it official for anyway? For yourself? For others, so they'll keep their hands off? For your parents, so they'll be satisfied?

Tonight, I only have questions, but no answers.

The Rules

1. Be a pimp.
2. Look good naked.
3. You do not owe anyone anything.
3a. The world does not owe you anything.